I have this giant bag of pens I keep in my little reading nook so they are easily on hand for any thoughts, notes or random writings. It’s become something of a catch-all, now home to notecards, highlighters and tabs. It is supposed to be convenient, yet everytime I find myself reaching for a pen, I end up grabbing one that doesn’t work.
They aren’t just any old pens. They are some of my favorites. The ones that fit in your hand just so. That gives you that perfect point of ink (not too thick) and makes your hand writing look 10 times better than it actually is. I’ll rummage through, find a favorite, get nothing from it, then throw it back in there.
I’m not sure why I do this. It’s like the optimistic side of me thinks that next time it will work again. As if it just needed a mini vacation and we’ll be back in action soon. Or maybe being around all the other pens will somehow refill its ink cartridge. I just can’t bear throwing it in the trash after it has been so good to me for so long.
I think I tend to hold onto the old because that is where I find the most comfort. Old routines, same rhythms, familiar routes, repeat meals. And these can be trusty and true with a lot of ink left. But in the routine of every day, I don’t want to miss it if God is calling me to something new.
In John 21, Jesus has already revealed himself to his disciples after His resurrection. The chapter opens with Peter just hanging out with some of the other disciples. The big reveal had already happened and I am sure they were sitting around wondering, “Now what?” I imagine Peter, tired of sitting still, pacing back and forth and finally saying, “I’m going out to fish”. And along the rest of them went, catching absolutely nothing until Jesus shows up the next morning and directs their nets.
It’s really uncomfortable waiting. Especially when we are not sure what is next. I’m so tempted just to grasp a hold of what is known instead of being ok in the waiting. But whatever we attempt to do on our own strength is so fruitless. Like reaching for that old pen or heading back out to fish. It’s so tempting to try and finish this work that the Lord has started us instead of relying on His strength.
Paul writes in Philippians 1:6
“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
God began a good work in you and He will carry it through until the very end. This gives me such peace. I don’t have to know exactly what is next to trust that He is still working. He is moving in my life right here and right now. In the mundane and in the daily routines and He is also calling me deeper. Jesus met the disciples out there fishing. He fed them breakfast and called Peter to follow Him. He wasn’t finished with them yet.
So maybe I’ll finally go through my bag of pens and throw out the ones that don’t work. And while I’m at it, I’m asking God to help me notice what else I’m reaching for just because it feels familiar. I want to be willing to let go when He calls me to something new, and trust that He is still working when my days look much the same.